Bad Decision Town...

So getting all hopped up on cold meds, and then fully celebrating my buddy's 21st was maybe not the grandest idea in all the land. But I'm sure it gave my co-workers a good laugh when I came in this morning, hung over, fifteen minutes after having vomited up the remainder of the cheap wine/vodka and wal-flu in my stomach.

I like to think of myself as an American hero.

The party was fun though. They put up stupid black lights everywhere that made all the girls' makeup glow bright red. It was KIND of hilarious to see them all trying to cram into the corners away from the lamps.

I kissed my Buddy J's girlfriend a little more than I probably should have, so if he winds up with a cold..... it's totally not my fault. But for the record, she came on to me!! We actually dragged MamaBear there because her perfect dentist boyfriend is in Guatemala for a week.... cause.... you know, normal people just up and go to Guatemala for a week. But since he's not around to take up all her time filling her cavities (see, see what I did there...) we decided the bitch was coming out with us. 

Good thing too...I'm pretty sure she got my loopy ass back home.

But yeah, I totally wrecked myself last night. But as always, I was tossed in a cab, tossed in my bed, and I didn't wake up until 8 o'clock when the urge to empty my stomach of EVERYTHING woke me out of a drunken stupor. It would have been far more amusing if my roommates had been awake because I definitely did NOT have time to throw on any clothes to run to the bathroom. What, I sleep naked, it's comfy.

Work was uneventful. The bizarre April hail kept people from coming in, so I spent most of the day inventing coffee drinks and stumbling through the crossword. Only one cuntly woman asked me to scoop her bagel today. So I consider it a win.

(For anyone unaware of what "scooping a bagel" is, it means just that. Taking a knife, and removing the bagel's innards and soul from the bagel, only to stuff it back full of heart healthy cream cheese. It's a fucking travesty. If you're on a low carb diet, here's a fucking idea! DON'T GO INTO A BAGEL SHOP! Fucking morons. What I tend to do with these women - yes, it's only women who do this - is stare at their love handles while gutting their bagel. Dumb whores.)

Bagel Girl Out.

p.s. Hilarious order of the day. Lox (salmon, I can't believe people still don't know what this fucking is!) on a cinnamon sugar bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Oh yeah. Tasty!